Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
