Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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