you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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