Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
