Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
