just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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