His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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