i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
