a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
