You're my little dorito
i think my tv is drunk
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
