We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
