you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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