Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
