I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
