The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
