Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
