Yo dont text me then not text me
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
