i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
