I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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