you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
