apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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