i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
