Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
