if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
