I cannot find my penis.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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