Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
