took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I showed him my bush... on skype.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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