I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
