he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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