adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Randomize
