I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
