Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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