The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
