Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize