he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
