Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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