You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
