I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
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