Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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