i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
