You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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