She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
