i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
