I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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