Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Randomize
