I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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