remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
