i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
