you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
