I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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