he wants to bone in the snuggie
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
