he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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