I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
