No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
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