just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
