when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
