Jerry, you need to find god
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
