I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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