someone threw a dead crab at me
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
