These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
