My underwear smells like fireworks.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
