She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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