Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
