I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I would fuck him just for his dog
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
