well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
