Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
