Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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