I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
