She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
